Changes
by Shreek
Summary: This is a bit of a random story written for no real reason other than to amuse the author. WARNING: It's a piece of crap written between chapters 2&3 of 'The Little Things We Notice'


**CHANGES**

People can change a lot over time. Now, for the sake of being ever predictable, let us say that the period of time we're talking about is the summer holidays. And as for the people to change? How about our good friends from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Changes, changes, changes. Okay, we'll start with Hermione. Having spent the summer being forced to follow her mother through shops and stylists and having nothing to read but fashion magazines, Hermione is now a know-it-all in 'what's hot' and 'what's not'. She has transformed herself into a babe. She can walk-the-walk, talk-the-talk and looks-the-part.

Now, moving on. Ron. Determined to be a chick-magnet, he has spent the summer getting a tan and muscle building (and spent innumerous hours reading Ginny's chick magazines for tips on what chicks like). Using this new found knowledge, many hours of his time has been spent perfecting that 'I don't care what I look like, I like to be myself' look.

Harry Potter. Well, what can I say? Having to live with the Dursleys AND receiving God only knows how much secret admire and hate owls, he is determined to be forgotten, and to do that he is going to make sure that nobody crosses his path this year. This dear, dear boy my friends has become a swear-jockeying Goth. H is positive that if he is so fucked up and obnoxious (perhaps even more so than he already was?) that everyone will piss-off and leave him alone.

Draco, for no reason at all, has become a "Peace-Man" (don't forget the hippy sign) tree-hugging hippy. And, why not, just for the hell of things, Neville has become a Frog-Prince and has eloped with his toad Trevor. May they live long and have many children.

Now with that out of the way, well, let us get on with this slightly twisted tale.

On the Hogwarts Express.

Hermione walked along the corridor with a look of disgust plastered on her perfectly made-up face as she searched (desperately) for her old school chums. The longer she searched the more she felt the ugly vibes throbbing around her, suffocating her; she shuddered as a young kid in homey clothes (and a dumb expression to match) brushed past her. It was horrifying! It was vile! Absolutely disgusting! Oh, the ugliness of it all! She burst into an empty looking compartment closed the door and sat down shuddering.

At the same time in another part of the train Draco was digging in his pockets searching for something.

"Oh, for fucks sake!" Harry roared. He had just walked in on the _grossest_ sight ever! Ron was in the middle of a…wait for it, wait for it…a face sucking contest! (For his efforts, though they had taken many hours, paid off) And the other participants in this contest were no other than the grade skanks Lavender, and Pavarti. He looked at the two females in the threesome and yelled, "Piss-off you skanks!" and surprise, surprise; they obeyed much to Ron's annoyance.

Draco had found what he was looking for.

"Crrroooaaakk!" Hermione squealed, and then wrinkled her nose at Neville-the-Frog-Prince, who was crying. Suddenly he burst into explanation as to why he was crying, and it was really very boring and quite unattractive and Hermione (who is surprising fluent in frog) was very close to being sick. Trevor, it seemed, had been hit by a car and flattened.

And when he had finished saying so, the compartment door was flung open, and all the characters that I have not already mentioned in this tale (Crabbe, Goyle, Ginny, Fred, George, etc) came bursting in wearing Cheerleading equipment (you know, the short skirts, sports bras cause yes even some men need that support and the matching spandex underwear that has "GO TEAM" printed across their bums) and burst out in song.

Note: to be sung in playschool theme song tune (for those of you who know what that is)

"_There's a toad on the road!_

_It's a dead one too._

_With guts splattered around,_

_Some stuck on your shoe…"_

Draco began his creation.

Elsewhere. Ron had Harry in a headlock and was slowly suffocating him while a crowd gathered around, egging them on. The fight continued with the grunts and groans you usually expect (and the "oohs" and "ahhs" following suit of course).

Draco took a long drag from his 'special' cigarette.

Well eventually our changed friends did reach Hogwarts. Ron continued his face-sucking contest, Harry joined the Headless Hunt, Hermione helped some poor fashion disillusioned second year, Neville fell in love and kissed Crabbe and Goyle turning them into Frog-Princes, and Draco fell into a coma.

Authors Note: The moral to this story is; never ever swim in a washing machine.


End file.
